1. I totally agree. I want the love I have to be mutual and chosen. My friends and partners, and chosen and bio family that I choose to love and who love me back. And with kids, especially the teenage years, whether they love you back or not you will keep loving them. I couldn't imagine worrying about their safety and happiness, while many teens and adults are put off by their parents involvement in their lives for some years as a normal part of their life. I would hate that feeling of fighting with my kid to know they're safe and happy. I'm a very devoted friend, and I'd also hate a kid taking away from the people in my life I currently love and invest my time in.

  2. What you did is extremely brave and shows so much integrity. I also spent a long time asking people with and without kids, in therapy, reading books. And ultimately I came to the conclusion of what I knew in my heart since I was young, that I never wanted kids and no one would change that. I got my bisalp last month and it was the best choice I've ever made. The choice also ended my 5 year relationship. For me, he was a fencesitter who never did the hard work it takes to come to a conclusion and ultimately I couldn't wait any longer. I regret not facing the truth sooner. You took the time you needed and learned a lot, but once you knew, you faced the reality before you, which shows a strong character imo

  3. Looking for over 5'9 but afraid of heights 😂 made me chuckle. You sound nice! Hope you find someone on here!

  4. Wow you are so incredibly strong. It is so hard to do what you did. Was in a similar relationship where my partner of 5 yrs was willing to put the kids issue under the rug indefinitely and I eventually couldn't anymore. I decided to get a bisalp and then as my surgery date approached it was obvious he was avoiding hearing about the upcoming surgery. He couldn't support me and I also couldn't handle feeling so alone while with someone. He would never have broken it off so I had to. It hurt so much and I felt like an awful person. But in hindsight I feel like it was very cowardly of him to avoid indefinitely just to keep me in his life. Which was a deeper issue that affected many parts of our relationship. There are things I'll miss, but I won't miss being the only one willing to initiate tough conversations or look at the reality of things in the relationship and work to resolve them (or face when it can't). Even if I wanted kids it's better not to co-parent with someone like that

  5. EVERY time I go to the doctor’s, I somehow have a pregnant nurse or tech who likes to share with me that they are pregnant, then asks if I have kids, and then says “oh it will happen for you soon.” WHAT IF I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN SOON?

  6. Yeah. They're also hurtful to CF people, because it automatically invalidates our choice. People really need to stop assuming things about others bodies and what they want to do with it

  7. Cooking delicious meals I want to eat, never buying KD and hot dogs because that's all the kids will eat. Having the money for nicer ingredients once in a while despite the cost of living going up is also nice

  8. I had a similar experience in childhood where the experience my parent seems to think I had was very different from the experience I actually had. The book "Brain Talk" by dr David Schnarch helped me a LOT. It's long but totally worth it, and I'd highly recommend it. Therapy also helps of course but there are lots of online resources if that's not an option. Also, maybe look into grey rocking or some other ways to not let your mom 'in' so much if she is going to casually invalidate you like that

  9. You always had a great selfie game! Your face is adorable, love your cheekbones in the second pic! Great job!

  10. You are so pretty!!! In both pics but wow your face is looking great! Congrats on the hard work ❤️ You have a great smile

  11. Anti-natalism isn't about "you can't have kids because I said so". Almost no one who is anti natalist would ever say that. People have many reasons, some are environmental, others believe bringing a human into this suffering world is unfair, others believe they have no right to bring a life into the world who didn't consent

  12. when i got my bisalp my body finally felt "right" and that it can no longer betray me :) congrats!

  13. I keep saying this. Finally feels like it's functioning the way it's meant to

  14. Yes, or, rather than having to raise kids in your 20s or 30s, people here decide to avoid that altogether and just enjoy their lives

  15. Wow 2 weeks on your first try! That's huge! Friend, you're doing great!

  16. Oh it wasn’t my first try. I’ve been trying for more years than you’re probably alive. Lol

  17. Oh lol, well it really doesn't matter. 2 weeks is still big. Even if you had some sugar every 2 weeks for the rest of your life you'd probably still be very healthy. The problem is keeping it that way, but some people can. Either way, you're doing great

  18. One I think of sometimes is that if I had a daughter I would hope she wouldn't become a mother. I'd hate to see my kid go through something so awful, and I'd be disappointed they didn't find fulfillment elsewhere. It's a bit of an odd thing, but it's one more reason I know I don't want kids. My feeling that motherhood is so awful I wouldn't wish it on anyone I love.

  19. Yeah absolutely. I hate living in a world where I always look over my shoulder, and I live in a pretty safe area. Why would I ever wish that on someone I should love

  20. Having a kid is maybe the only decision on earth you can't take back. And kids require doing a lot of boring stuff that no one wants to do,. So the answer seems obvious. At least now you have the freedom to switch things up at all times, not so with a kid

  21. What do you feel is emotionally hard? Write those things down and think about creative ways you can fill the core desire that you are having a tough time with. It's normal to feel some level of grief and what if from closing one door but it comes with so many opportunities and opens up so much when you have made a decision with certainty. Embrace it and talk to a childfree friendly therapist about what you're struggling with

  22. You did the right thing. I'm just an internet stranger but I'm so so proud of you. You have so much time to create a fulfilling life. You'll find the right person to share that with. The strength you'll gain from this experience will make you unstoppable

  23. I looked back and believe you're on the money.

  24. As someone who also grew up in a chaotic home, congrats on choosing YOU for the rest of your life. I'm so glad to be childfree especially given what my upbringing was like. I get to nurture myself now , enjoy life and do what is important to me.

  25. I didn't get to talk to my doctor directly, someone from the office called me back. I mentioned the nurse saying otherwise, but she just kinda blew me off.

  26. Oh yeah then definitely try to speak to your doctor directly. I'm 2 weeks in and think I could lift that much after 2 weeks, but not before. 5 days seems way too soon to be lifting. After a week I could lift things under 10 lbs. But I also had a perfect procedure and recovery with barely any issues. If you're unsure then definitely press to get a note, I personally wouldn't risk it

  27. Hey! What changes did you make? I'm your weight and height now, with the goal weight you are now. Amazing progress you look great!

  28. Thank you! It’s been all diet for me mostly. I started my journey in January this year, when I started out I was swimming twice a week which definitely gave me a good head start. I’m in a 500 cal deficit every day, I’ve had a maintenance week when I felt I needed it, & I’m kind to myself when I mess up & go over. I basically eat whatever I want as long as I’m in a deficit, but I’m definitely not eating as much carbs as I feel they just take up too many calories I could be using for snacks!

  29. That's all great advice, thank you! Can I ask what your daily calorie goal is? I'm doing weightlifting so mine will probably be a bit higher, but sometimes I get very hungry and eat more than I probably need to so I'm curious. 500 deficit is a very healthy and reasonable goal, good job on sticking with it. Totally agree about not having too many carbs, protein tends to feel more satisfying. I love swimming, it's such a great all body workout! Glad you found something you enjoy so much!

  30. The last time someone brought up the phrase “it’s different when they are your own” my reply was if that was true child abuse would not be an issue in our society. While genetically people may be predisposed to like their kids more than other people’s there are way too many people who have kids and are not suited to raise them.

  31. Yes absolutely. People love to ignore that stuff actually happens

  32. One of the reasons I don't want to have kids is because they don't have any privacy. I don't like the idea of knowing so much about another person.

  33. That's actually a really good point I've never considered. I value my privacy so much that I don't even use social media. I'd want to respect a kiss privacy even if that's not what a responsible parent should do. I'd hate enforcing rules on another human and restricting their freedom

  34. I hated being a kid so much, and did almost everything adults do from a young age, partly out of necessity but it was actually what I wanted. Relying on adults was so frustrating. Even with life's ups and downs I much prefer adulthood. I love freedom and autonomy, and power to live my own life

  35. Your last sentence "being stuck in a villa with them for a week makes me want to cry". As someone who is a recovering people pleaser, I feel this. It makes me sad to think of the amount of money I've spent doing holiday trips I didn't want to, or in ways I didn't want to, with people I wasn't excited about spending a whole week with!

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